It’s been quite a while since the previous post. The idle soul hasn’t been that idle recently, what with mood swings and such, finding employment in less stellar economic times and preparing for a change of residence. I thought of my blog every now and then, and thought it had been a long while since I dropped in to write.
Towards the end of the year (2016), it always starts with the onset of winter days, the cool air that smells of ages past that drifts into your window, that reminds of lost days. And then Christmas comes, when the world seems to rush into a buying frenzy, while you’re at a standstill, not knowing what to do. Present exchanges among colleagues, while you’re unemployed. Large group meet-ups, while you feel like you drift alone. Then comes Chinese New Year, and you find that the year had already passed you by.
I have always been a seeker, trying to find what makes me tick so that I can capture the “ideal” job. I have read topics such as Astrology, Numerology, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, Destiny Cards, Mayan Astrology, Psychic Readings, Handwriting Analysis, Face Reading, Bazi Profiling etc; just so that I can compile a list of my strengths and work it out from there. But I think I overestimate the endurance of human memories. No matter how much information I compile and think that I know about myself, each time I jump into a topic, the older ones get left behind. I also underestimate the wisdom contained in these studies – they have been giving me similar messages but I choose to ignore them. You hope that you can find a place in society, working productively in a day job but realise you are not meant to be a “fitter” in any way. Too restless with routine, too blind with details, too emotional and non-logical, too sensitive with dynamic environments.
When you stop finding excuses for your failures, that is all there is – an underlying sense of greyness, bleakness following behind your footsteps. I had been engrossed with the Myers-Briggs a second time recently. This time reading about my functional stacks in addition with my INFP profile, and the ideal careers that can go with it. Same-old, same-old. I probably need to work with who I already am and the characteristics that I keep denying aren’t me.
On a side note, I thought about going to Lynda Woolf for a reading again. (Bad habit of mine to turn to readers when I feel lost in my life) And when I googled her name, I suddenly saw my blog entry “My Experience with Psychic Readings” pop up in the first page and had a shock, since Google sorts its results by an algorithm that includes variables such relevance, quality content and page views. Now I am pretty amused by the stats, as to date that article alone has 24 page views and with no updates, has generated an average of 1 view every few days from search engines.
Chinese New Year is around the corner, therefore I will take the chance to wish all my readers a happy holiday.