The Struggle to Find Life Purpose and Gift : ( A Rant )

It’s 1st December and your manager informs you that he has decided to let you go, right before the year end bonuses, despite having plodded through long hours each workday and sacrificing family time in the process. (Too slow, old soul) It took 3 damn long years to get this one that seemingly came right out of what you had affirmed for. Everything was perfect, except…. the work didn’t make your soul sing with joy. Instead there were incompetencies, deceit, appearances. And then after this one, another mild depression that you recovered from. And then a bloody fall that hit the side of your face and changed the alignment of your teeth. A big scare but nothing serious. Perhaps a force-stop from Spirit before I start lunging after the next available thing. December went, then Chinese New Year and before you knew it, it’s April. 4 months passed. Each day goes without fail a routine recital of affirmations. This time with care not to dictate what you assume is good for you. At the fourth month, you get iChing Hexagram 11 to go with the flow. Tarots asking you to be patient and wait it out. Wait till when? When is it ripe?

What is my Gift? What is my Strength? What did I come into the World to do? Each night, each day, a reply of silence. Waves of disappointment that seem to swamp the light of  affirmations below piles of quicksand. If there were angels, why not lead me to my life purpose instead of having me hover in time while the rest of the world pass by and the regret of having zero financial ability to pay the bills nor support the family.

Update: 25 April 2018. For those who read this, thank you. It was a frustrated rant written few weeks ago; coming from a period of waiting and feeling like nowhere in between. Sometimes the law of attraction seems to be all about joy and excitement. But in reality there are many times when it goes all dark and hopeless and I think I wrote this at one of those times and it felt good to let it out. There have been some stirrings since then, let me ponder over it and then I shall write my thoughts soon regarding the Law of Attraction.

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