An art exhibition with works done by the students from a cluster of primary and secondary schools, now on display at Clementi Public Library. I love the sheer colour and have a special fondness for the wobbly type of figurines that only kids can do.
The other day I took a cab out together with hubby as he went for work. I was holding a handphone and ez-link together in my hand which thereafter I slot both into my pocket. Anyone who has done that before can tell you it’s an almost-certain recipe for disaster, especially if you pull your phone out several times in the day. (You know, like to turn Pokestops.) Not long after on the cab, I realised my ez-link was gone.
I sat in the cab with a glum face after telling hubby the news, since he was the one who topped my card yesterday with a full $20 that could last me several days. I tend to rarely lose things in public, so I was feeling being pretty regretful. Suddenly the thought of asking for the angels’ help came in to my mind and with a mix of desperation, hopefulness and feelings of silliness, said a prayer in my mind to find my card. Maybe they could watch over it till I get home. Maybe a miracle would happen that no one would notice a bright red ez-link sitting on the ground. Maybe the card might somehow come back to me.
It might be pure coincidence. It might a blessing from the other realm. As soon as I finished my prayer, I happened to shift around in my seat and saw something bright red on the floor of the cab! I had glanced the floor of the cab and it wasn’t there before. In any case, my feelings of gratitude were genuine and gushed over my body in waves as I looked upwards and thanked my angels.
If you are a spiritual person, you might have set up a gratitude practice, like giving thanks to the Universe at the start of the day. Well, I do it too. The problem is the routine of doing the same day after day sometimes makes me feel numb, like saying the words on autopilot. It is these events that trigger off your awareness and create the feelings that make you feel alive again. I am pretty sure down the road I will gradually lose this feeling again unless I consciously replay this event and its associated emotion in my mind. Humans are forgetful creatures.
Similarly, have you ever had a situation where you thought you were going to lose someone dear to you? In that moment, all you can do is to turn to prayer. The urgent, focused desperation for divine help and then things turned round for the better. Do you still remember the feelings after that? Gratitude might be simply too mild to describe.
What I am saying is that most things that humans do everyday – habits, routines, frustrations, problems – creates a certain numbness that slowly creeps in. The next problem that comes along when one is solved. The to-do list that seems too big to tackle with limited time and energy. While I would not wish for traumatic events on anyone, sometimes these are the very events that wake those who have been deeply asleep and far too long. Choose to be awake, or let life be your alarm clock.
Today I was on the escalator up the train station and accidentally blocked someone who was going up with me. I had moved out of the way but then as he tried to maneuver himself out of the way he stepped into my path again. In the morning rush, it pissed him off and expressed it simply in my face, “F***.” I tried Steve Pavlina’s advice in his article, “Dealing with Difficult People” and pictured the “F***” as a present which I then refused to take with me. Strangely for the first time, it worked to reduce the effect on my mood for the rest of the day. Most of the time, such events upset me greatly and leave my thoughts replaying over and over again. If you have time, try a quick read.
If you have embarked on a spiritual path like me, you would have established a prayer routine. If you are a quiet introvert like me, you would live mostly in your head (and heart) of ideas, thoughts and feelings. On its own, these two pose no problem. That is, until they are combined together.
I try to say a set of prayers everyday. In fact, I have a small collection of prayers which I recite everyday. The problem is, the familiarity of this routine creates a situation where I simply gloss over the prayers. The feeling is like when you are absorbed in reading a book. You have finished a page of the novel but do not remember the exact words you have read. At the end of it, you only bring with you the ideas and an impression. Then you are eager to turn the page. I frequently find myself having finished a prayer and yet not remembering the words of it.
My way of dealing with this is that when I find myself doing that, I go back and recite the same prayer again. Sometimes even breaking a prayer into paragraphs and reciting each paragraph twice. Usually the second time is done with mindfulness of the words and it makes deeper imprint in my mind.
If you face the same problem, why not try it and see if it works for you.
I have been playing this game called Disney Tsum Tsum on my phone for some time. It is a simple match-3 game where you connect at least 3 of the same Tsums to gain points and coins. The picture above shows Minnie Tsums, Pooh Tsums, Piglet Tsums, Stitch Tsums and Donald Tsums. You also wield a character Tsum with which you can activate its special skill during the game to boost your score. Coins earned in the game allow you a chance to level up your character Tsum, specifically 10,000 coins or 30,000 coins per chance. If you are a beginner, your coins would range from 300 to 600 per game. If you have played for a long time, you can easily earn 1000 coins and above for each game.
Typically I am in the 1000 coin range. Recently, some of my family members started on this game. I gave them tips based on the amount of coins I was getting per game, until they woefully stated that they were struggling with even getting 500 coins; half of what I was getting. It meant that my tips were also useless to them at their “income” levels.
I was financially abundant in the game. Although I had been on the path before where I struggled with just getting 500 coins, it had dropped out of my reality. Probably this mirrors the situation with many of the rich people in society (also aka people in power) versus the ones who are struggling with survival. They easily spend hundreds on a dinner while $100 could last the average person for a week. Some, like me in the game, may have experienced poverty before but it had already fallen out of everyday lives to really remember how it was like. It takes a higher awareness for these people to pull out past memories and feelings of that state in order for them to truly empathise with the poor. Or unless they had been living humbly on purpose. This is also why they frequently let slip certain statements that would anger those who have difficulty in meeting ends meet, such as being happy about buying a branded bag at a good discount.
While I do get envious of these people too, it is also unfair to have them return to a lower state of financial abundance. Rather, increasing personal awareness seems to be the key. People who have created financial abundance in a healthy way can be an example for others to do the same. People who have financial abundance and a high consciousness can find means to use their money to establish greater good for humanity.
Now if only i can convet my Tsum coins to real cash…
I have been unemployed for a pretty long time (which explains why my name is the idle soul) and also conducting my job search for a pretty long time as well. To keep tabs, my SO printed a list to fill in the number of resumes that I sent out each day. Similar to corporate ways, I get reprimanded if I fail to send out any and praises when I hit above his baseline of five. He doesn’t care if there were fewer suitable job openings for that day, nor does he care that we had been out the whole day and it was nighttime when we reached home. To him, and any other corporate manager, all he sees is the tip of the iceberg and the rest are just excuses.
I am also living with my SO’s family who seem mainly extroverted with a not-like introvert introvert (aka noisy). I think, it takes a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) living with non-HSPs to really feel the difference. For instance, crowds and long periods of noise are perfectly normal to them. They get by without needing solitude at the end of the day. Frequently they also make snap decisions easily and never, ever ponder about the big mysteries of life.
I show emotions on my face. There was a period of time when I cried frequently over a seemingly purposeless life and my SO just couldn’t get it. He simply felt that I was too idle as an unemployed individual, and spending time on unnecessary thoughts. When we are going out for dinner and my SO asks my opinion for a dinner place, I try to intuit the answer. So an answer sometimes comes after 30 minutes.
What non-HSPs see and acknowledge are simply the tip of the iceberg. Below it is where our great emotions churn when we think about our life, spirit and soul. It is also the place where we keep our deep sentimentality for treasured friends and family. It is where we go to when life moves on after the loss of a loved one and realised that life really, somehow stopped with them. Below the tip comes forth these tears that perhaps are never-ending because we never really know how deep our iceberg goes.
So when we tell others we are a HSP, know that there really is a huge chunk of us that is too huge and scary to show it all at once, not excuses. And as I shake your hand and introduce myself – all you are seeing is the tip of the iceberg.